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Over The Hillock - Baaaaby Aunty

Monday, March 19, 2012

"When I was in college".

When I was in college, the was was enough for me to write somebody off. My big round eyes would roll rounder at the 25 year old aunty who started off reminiscing with that very sentence.

Really didn't even 25 seem super old in those days? And really wasn't it super irritating when some baby aunty started off talking about her college days and ended it with what seemed to be a patronizing "Enjoy these days. These days are the best days of life. They will never come back." And my instant response would be OKAY OKAY that's enough AUNTY.

But you know Karma? The dude who has been stalking you all your life and who springs up right before your eyes once in a while? Yea, that Karma. Karma has gotten quite hyper these days. And he's starting to bother me. Because he won't let me forget the aunty dismissals. As I am walking past that omnipresent Jyothi Nivas college near my office and shake my head at the wannabe adult - size zero nothings, he hisses in my ear "auntttttyyyy". When I request the music to be lowered at a thumping coffee shop, he taps me on my head and boos me in my face "AUUNNTTTTYYYYYY". And there - can you see him? Can you see him outside my lovely cottage for the weekend with its fluffy bed and room service (that I deserve after all these years of hard work!)? Can you see him - upright in his sleeping bag that spent most of the night on the hard rocky ground - chicken dancing at me "AUNTY ^ AUNTY ^ AUNTY".

I run out - (breathless from the bed to the door) - swing my apple at him and scream "I AM STILL HOT. I AM STILL COOL..STOP CALLING ME AUNTY YOU BLOODY FOOL!!".

He caught the zooming apple in his young palm, blew a kiss towards me and sweetly cajoled "Okay, no more aunty baby, just 'baaaaaby aunty'..."! Crunch.

Baby aunty.

Guess I can deal with that. Because it's the truth. We ain't as young as we used to be (even if it's still the good side of 30), and if our elders are to be believed we are just now entering the real youth of our lives. So baby aunty seems to be apt.

As a self-proclaimed baby aunty, I tell ya - can't stay up man. Really. Can't do the all-nighters anymore. Body needs its sleep. Body likes to stay at home and snuggle. Body switches off as the clock strikes twelve (ok ok I lied, eleven. Ok Ok, ten okay?). Body can't do late night outs - even if just lounging. Body likes cushiony beds. Body likes silence. Body likes hair tied back. Body prefers practical to sense-tickle. Body burps more often. Body sizzles on night pakoda heartburn. Body just can't eat as it would like to.

And body almost gives the ONE TIGHTT SLAP to high-pitched over-confident early twenty somethings. Just wait chicklets. Just wait for that first existential crisis.

Sometimes I try and fool myself. Forcing my 2 kg eyes to stay open and watch that movie. 2 kg eyes sometimes start sinking and Karma sings through my pillow "aaaunntyyy......rock-a-bye-aunttyyyy".


Blink rapidly. Eyes WIDE OPEN. Rapid Yawns. Increase volume. Shake head and let loose lips go "bubububububububub." Come on once-upon-a-time head-banger. You can do this.

But the truth is - I can't. Body wants what it wants.

Snuggle into the pillow and whisper to Karma "say my name karma....say it".

And there comes the sweet whisper of love. "Auntyyyyy.....baaaaaby aunty..."