Crouching tiger. Kicking kitten (aka) Rajnikanthabai

I have fantasies.

Rich fantasies.

Every part of me comes alive. All my emotions burst forth.

Yes, yes - I have fantasies.

Ricchh fantasies. Flesh meeting flesh fantasies.

In my fantasies --- There’s a massive rush of blood to the head.


I jump in the air in slow motion. Crouching tiger. Hidden dragon. --- KHAAAAIIIIYAAAAAA.
There is ferocity on my face. My teeth are bared.

As I KHAIIIIYAAAAA through the air --- my arm is stretched out. Outer. Outer.  Like in the movie bees saal baad.

And finally as the gongs clang in unison there I go ------ THAPAADDDDDDDDDDDDD!!

With the might of Brutus and the roar of Bheema - flesh meets flesh. In a resounding - One. Tight. Slap.

Yes. Those are my fantasies. The one fricking tight slap to those who rightly deserve it. But alas the moralistic brain waves and stupid inbred decency clamp down on my limbs. One on this end, the other on this end.

Crouching tiger is kicking kitten. Sounds of khaiya turn into high pitched wheezing Khaaiiiiiiiii......khaiiiiiiiiii..... LET ME GO. LET ME GO. LET ME AT LEAST PULL MY HAIR OUT. Khaiiiiiiiiii.

So I fantasise. I have Ally McBeal moments. My lips turn up in the sweetest smile ever. But in my head I am khaiyaing through the air. One kick for the b@$%@$* and one slicing chop for the b!#%^. They rotate through the air and fall on their backs. I swoop down one foot on each, and then my beautifully short arms whoosh through the air in a crossing motion and land a THAAPAAAAAAAAADDDD on each cheek! Rajnikanth style.

Wait it’s not over yet. I am in serial mode now. My flying hair braids itself in a super sharp plait that whips through the air – swings before the backup social goon behind me, hypnotizing him. His eyes zip
ping left-right to my superfastly swinging braid, and then in quick slow motion recoil and accelerated action it’s THAPADPADPADPADPAD!

Another one rushes from the front. My braid splits into two, swings to the front and superfast crisscross dances before his eyes. His eyes go crazy. No need for thappaad. Goon faints.

Zoom into to me. Pause. I rub my palms together and blow a kiss – “Edhu eppadi irruku?”
Na per kanthabai. Rajnikanthabai.

Panga nai lena ka. Kya?