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Sunday, July 21, 2013

If your woman isn't giving you enough Aiyos, trust me, she's faking it!

We are not so much about the idli-dosa as we are about the Aiyo. We, the South-Indians that is. Yes, we truly and most completely embody the stereotype. The Aiyo defines us, refines us, and reigns us. It is hard-wired in your baser instincts, it's your first emotion. Listen closely, there...can you hear the baby go aaaiii---oooo? And if you disagree, well you are in just plain denial my friends. There are many who try to hide the Aiyo under delicate Oops or exclamatory Shits, and I just wonder, why use so many adjectives when one expression says it all? The glory of Aiyoo lies in its simplicity and complexity, sometimes existing in both states. An Aiyoo can with just the slightest inflection of your voice perfectly articulate any emotion that you want, from disappointment, surprise, astonishment, sorrow, anger, warning, frustration, exasperation, and even joy! Just a slight tweak can transform your Aiyo from a dainty "oops" to a passionate "F**k!". It gives joy to the South-Indian identity, right up there with 'Amma' and yes her idli-dosas.

Despite its versatility I feel the Aiyo has not received its due. Come on, there are so many places the simple Aiyo could work wonders. Airport announcements, news bulletins, medical reports, and even ATM responses. Now I do have a grouse against South Indian programmers. There must be at least a million out there? And not one of them, not one of them thought of inserting the Aiyo into an error message? Come on, how simple and user-friendly that would be. "Aiyo, the system encountered an unexpected error and needs to shut down.", and instead of banging the computer, the user might be more inclined to just respond with his own Aiyoooo - albeit a lengthier one. Just think about it, "Aiyo, Windows cannot find the file that you searching for." "Aiyoo, you have exceeded the maximum number of tries." "Aiyoo, wrong password." and when you really can't think of an error message to come up with, a simple "Aiyoo!!" would work just as fine. And we might be far more sympathetic to the system or program and less inclined to fly into fits of rages. You can expect more of the Aiyo, paapa and fewer dislocated hard drives, and banged up keyboards.

We know that when the South Indian goes Aiyo, s/he is baring it all. No lies, no deceits - just straight from the heart. And men, I think the Aiyo is even more significant behind closed doors. If your woman isn't giving you enough Aiyos, trust me, she's faking it! silly A gentle Aiyo will tell you what you are doing wrong, so you can do it right. A whispered Aiy-ai-ai-oo will tell you that you are the king, so keep at it. But wait, let's backtrack, watch out for the Aiyo when you start disrobing for her - bad bad bad sign. My advice would be to button up tight and high-tail out of there. LEAVE before you end up disrobing completely and she shakes her head left and right and her simple Aiyo turns to a worried AIYAI-YAI-YAI-YOO.

And your only possible response could be to slap your head and go 'Aiyo, karma!'.


vashini sharma said...

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